It is hard to tell the truth. To become vulnerable

     It’s the first day of school and I haven't been in a classroom in ten years.  This is my last college experience, and I wish I had done something different, but I don't regret my decision.  I learned things that have been helpful to where I am today.  I learned that I had a great capacity for love and that I had a low tolerance for classroom procedure and direction.  Along with this self knowledge came inspiration, chaos, intense passion and creative ability.  I cannot discern for you whether it was the teacher or the school-I will leave that for you the reader to discern.

     Its a cool fall day in Ohio this September and I am off to class, way to early, as usual I make the common older student mistake of scheduling an eight am class.  The good news is that this happens to be one of my favorite classes and I am assured an A.  The next class on the schedule is the unknown, Western Civ.  I had always loved history class and this should be no exception.  I was not disappointed.  My professor was very passionate about history so the class was extremely interesting and fun.  The first day I met him is one I will never forget.  It made getting out of bed early every morning worth my while.  Having met him, my life has changed in so many great ways, I could never thank him enough.

     Aaron Lycan had the face of a God.  His puppy dog, sad, big brown eyes could make a person do anything he wanted them to do.  Aaron was not aware of this power though, which made him even more attractive.  Of course I wasn't aware of it in the beginning, I was too worried about getting straight A’s to be bothered with a very attractive professor.  A whole class semester goes by and I quickly make sure to sign up for his new history class for the next semester.

      During the break it got to me that I would not be able to see him every day like I had last semester.  I didn't realize it yet, but I was falling and falling hard for this teacher.  It hurt to be away from him.  Never in my 38 years had I ever felt like this about someone.  So of course my first reaction is denial and I simply guess he is just a favorite teacher, no harm in continuing the class.  I did not realize I was in love with him until one day he came out of his office, frustrated and joking saying, “I want lunch.”  Sense of humor is important to me obviously and it endeared me to him forever.  I want this man, i thought to myself.  So desperately I became the biggest drooling fool you had ever seen.  Of course at school I had to play it cool and try to hide my feelings, which, I don't think either of us did very well, because everyone around us could feel the attraction.  I was in love, real love, and I did not handle it very well once I dropped out of school.  I ran like a bat out of hell as far away as I could.

     Still every day away from him was too much.  I cried, I laughed, I hurt, it was pure hell, reminding me of a saying I once heard, “the gods saw the humans had love and came down and decided to try it for themselves.  The Gods said it was worth going through hell and it made them  respect the humans all the more.”  Anyone who tells you its a wonderful experience is lying like saying giving birth doesn't hurt at all.  I dreamed about him, I thought about him 24/7 and I was not about to consummate this perfect thing lest I sully it.

     Ten years later, we are now here in Florida, enjoying every moment we have with each other.  The love story is not what I wanted to share, I want to share the things I learned: inspiration, remembrance, passion, humanity, compassion, what is important and happiness.  The lucky one who got to experience the love we all crave and desire.  I learned what it was like to live my passion.  I would not change it for the world, and money could never buy what I received.  

     His person inspired me to create, to find my destiny, to share my gift with the world and to inspire others to do the same.  I learned what was really important.  I gained courage, the courage of my convictions and the truth that of all these things love is the greatest.  I learned about great human endeavors and how love can make us conquer and create superhuman feats.  We desire to become heroes despite the personal costs.  And I found my happiness.  No math class, english class or philosophy could ever impart such wisdom.  So college can be bullshit or it can be the means to an end.  However for me, college was the fertile soil and ground for love to grow and happiness to blossom.  You never know what might happen.  

Names changed for reasons not worth mentioning.